THANKING GOD FOR BEING IN CONTROL OF ALL THINGS

1 Thessalonians 5:17-19 (CEB)

17 Pray continually. 18 Give thanks in every situation because this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 19 Don’t suppress the Spirit.

As I was sitting in the lobby of the radiation treatment area and greeting one of the patients this morning, she said, “Oh yesterday morning there was a code blue here.” “Yep, that would be me,” I said. “I had an allergic reaction to the contrast dye.”

I do not know what point it goes from anaphylaxis to anaphylactic shock, but I at first had warm feeling in my head and when I sat up, I did not feel so good. I was nauseated and felt woozy about ready to lose control of my whole body. Before I knew it, I could feel my supine body being moved via the sheet that was underneath me to a stretcher. I don’t even remember lying back down and I felt like a rag doll, but my head kept moving back and forth and I could not open my eyes, though I guess I really did not want to. At some point, I remember pulling out my key to my locker and asking them to contact Erica because she needed to know what was going on with me. I think that I was going in and out of conscience, but I remember that I kept begging my Father God to help me and declaring that he was in control. I kept thanking him because I trusted in him, and I trusted that he put the most excellent team of doctors and nurses in my care to handle my code blue. And they did! Tears welled up in my eyes because I still was scared, but I just knew that God was in control of all things and that I was in the best hands.

Thank you, God, for their quick efficiency and for the way that they handled communicating to one another and to me and Erica about everything. I was given Epinephrine and Benadryl which acted quickly to counteract the dye that was administered. After taking the Epinephrine, I started to shake violently, and I was so cold. The nurse reassured me that this is a common reaction that some people have when taking the Epinephrine and that it will soon go away. Those words brought me great comfort because I thought that I was having another allergic reaction to the medicines that they were giving to me for the allergic reaction to the dye, so I had started to get into a panic mode but then the nurse reassured me with her kind words. Thank you, God, for that.

I found it interesting that I truly felt God’s presence and I could honestly be grateful for going through what I had gone through here at Johns Hopkins Hospital. Last week, my caregiver, Naomi, and I had been studying out about different aspects of the Prayer of Examen. Each day and evening, we looked at specifics of the Prayer:

1. Recognize the presence of God2. Take a posture of gratitude3. Think back on your day4. Be honest about disappointments or shortcomings

5. Look forward to the day ahead

As I was experiencing what I was going through, I could recall that I was truly recognizing God’s presence in my difficult moment, and I could take that posture of gratitude because of the trust that he had put within my heart. I could be completely honest about the fear that I had because it honestly was not a great feeling to not being able to control your body, yet God put something within my heart with complete surrender so that I would not panic or fight against anyone. God had given me confidence in him and in the hospital staff taking such great care of me.

This difficulty was perhaps the first time and prayerfully not the last time that I did not have my typical distorted image of God being that playground bully taunting me with his “nanny nanny boo boo” message. I can say that in this particular instance, God helped me to “kick satan to the curb” and tell him as Jesus said to Peter in Matthew 16:23, … “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; …” To God be the glory for his transformation of my heart in this particular incident. Amen!