SUCH A HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Around this time three years ago, I had coughed up some blood. After having a CT scan done, the doctor from the emergency room (ER) had mentioned that I needed to follow up with a thoracic surgeon or an oncologist. She had stated that I had a large cancerous tumor in my left lung and several smaller masses throughout both lungs. However, for the official diagnosis of cancer, I had to get a biopsy done. So, on December 12, 2022, a pulmonologist had informed me that the tumor in my left lung was definitely non-small cell adenocarcinoma. And then on January 6, 2023, my oncologists at Johns Hopkins had informed me that the biopsy performed on one of the additional tumors also indicated that all the masses were cancerous. This meant that I had stage 4 or terminal lung cancer.

In November six years ago, during a CT scan of my mom’s abdominal area, the ER doctor had detected a small tumor on the lower part of her right lung. A biopsy had revealed that my mom had an early stage of lung cancer. She had received a few radiation sessions, which caused the tumor to substantially shrink, and she had been doing fine. However, earlier this year, my mom had started experiencing severe shortness of breath (SOB), and the hospitalist had stated that her cancer had metastasized into the pleural fluid around her right lung. A few weeks later, she had gone to the hospital again because of SOB. This time, the CT scan had shown that there were many pockets of fluid in her chest cavity. With this new discovery, the doctors had stated that there were no other cancer treatments available for my mom. Because her health had been also quickly declining, in March 2025, she was placed in hospice care at home.

In July six years ago, my dad had been diagnosed with bladder cancer, and over the years, he had tried many of the traditional treatments, but each of them had failed to eliminate the cancer. Typically, when these treatments were unsuccessful, the doctors would recommend surgical removal of the bladder. However, due to my dad’s age and his heart condition, this type of surgery was not an option for him. Despite this glum set of circumstances, his last cystoscopy performed earlier this month, had indicated that his cancer had still not progressed beyond the inner lining of his bladder.

The word “cancer” is a frightening word because the average person automatically thinks of death. Though there has been a lot of breakthroughs in various cancer treatments and death is no longer as “immediate” as it once was with this disease, there still is a death sentence hanging around those of us diagnosed with cancer.

A good friend of mine had been told that she is now cancer-free. More than 5 years ago, she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and all her scans since her surgery and chemotherapy treatments had indicated no more signs of this cancer which at one time had riddled her pancreas. She had said that her oncologist had informed her that if she should ever get cancer in the future, it could not be traced back to her previous condition.

Her physical miracle is certainly a rarity. The 5-year survival rate of this cancer is 13% whereas for all stages of lung cancer, it is averaged over 28% and for bladder cancer, it is 97% for those in the “in situ” stage of which my father was diagnosed. However, with my parents and me, we have not ever gone into remission. Our cancer is still present, though the growth seems to have slowed down.

Because of all of this, I am so very grateful this particular Thanksgiving due to the current health conditions of my household. Since all three of us have cancer, each year that passes, I greatly value our time together, especially during these particular holidays when we spend these precious events with family and friends.

Though I have been experiencing a lot of anticipatory and preparatory grief because of our different cancer journeys, God has helped me to grow in valuing each moment that I have with my parents. At various times, God has given me surprising amounts of energy and determination where I can serve my parents with the proper attitude of great love and gratitude.

I mention this idea of needing to have the “proper attitude” because there have been far too many times when I have found myself serving them or others with the air of regret and disappointment, feeling so miserable and then guilty afterwards. Though the deed was accomplished and perhaps appreciation was expressed, I was left feeling with no sense of peace, love or honor when the service was performed. I have either dreaded doing the tasks required or I have walked away feeling like I deserved more and continuously grumbled about it under my breath.

During a recent women’s midweek lesson, God reminded me once again why having the proper motive when performing any action was so vital in my life’s journey. The teaching was on John 13, in reference to Jesus washing his disciples’ feet. This lesson just seemed so appropriate particularly for this time of the year since loads of women are performing many amazing feats of throwing together parties, preparing meals, decorating, hosting different events, and serving others in their various communities. Along with all these amazing feats though, certain thoughts, feelings and attitudes can make these beautiful events turn into discouragingly ugly and very challenging times. These moments of gratitude and thanksgiving can turn into service without the cheerful hearts that God calls us to have (2 Corinthians 9:7), and unfortunately, we can walk away with unresolved disappointments of unmet expectations.

I think that as humans, we tend to focus a lot on our actions and tend to forget about what the motives are behind what we do. At least, I tend to. In fact, whenever I hear the word “motive”, a “who-done-it” murder mystery usually first comes to my mind. So, though God had started me on the question of “why I do what I do” at my introduction to Jesus so many years ago (in 1988), I had always looked at John 13 as Jesus’ act of washing his disciples’ feet. The sister, who was doing the lesson that night, however encouraged us to look beyond Jesus’ amazingly humble act and to focus on why Jesus washed these men’s feet.

Though it is true that Jesus was performing a rather demeaning menial task of washing his disciples’ feet, this is not what John first mentions in this passage.

John 13:1-2 (CSB)

¹ Before the Passover Festival, Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart from this world to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end.

² Now when it was time for supper, the devil had already put it into the heart of Judas, Simon Iscariot’s son, to betray him. 

The first set of verses talk about Jesus’ reason for doing this menial task: Jesus loved his disciples, and he loved them to the end, even the one who he knew would betray him.

Originally with the focus on the action, I had thought that the reason for washing their feet was for Jesus to teach them some lessons. He taught them that being the greatest meant being a humble leader who served (Luke 22:24-27) and that they must imitate Jesus in taking care of each other (John 13:13-16, 34). Yes, as always there are lessons in his action and yes, he even told them to wash one another’s feet (John 13:14) but teaching them was not Jesus’ motive.

Jesus had been telling his disciples for quite a while now that he was going to suffer and die but then be raised to life on the third day. (Matthew 16:21, Matthew 17:22-23, Matthew 20:18-19). He knew that Judas was going to betray him (John 13:26-27) and that all the disciples would desert him (Mark 14:27) Even with knowing all of this, Jesus still loved them and demonstrated this great love that he had for them with washing these men’s feet. He washed because he loved.

Wow, my reason for service is definitely not so pure. Most of the time because of being a guilt-ridden control freak, I have often served because I believed that there is no one else to do it. I have also acted out of obligations as I shared in my “Shoulda (Should of or Should Have)” blog. I have even given with the expectation that I would get something back, whether it is a thank you or their service to me later. I have been known to give generously, but unfortunately, I have tainted my giving with an expectant heart. I have even served because I was grateful for what others had done for me. This reason for serving is not necessarily a bad thing, but go figure, Jesus was always on the “giving” end of his relationships with his disciples so that definitely was not his motivation.

But then there is more.

John 13:3 (CSB)

³ Jesus knew that the Father had given everything into his hands, that he had come from God, and that he was going back to God.

Jesus knew who he was. He knew where he was from and where he was going. He knew that he belonged to God the Father. He understood what God asked of him to show how God loves all of us and he lays out God’s “new command” that we must love one another as Jesus loved us (John 13:34).

I have witnessed this beautiful transformation where I serve because I knew without a doubt that God loves me and that I belong to him. During these times, God has given me the gift of loving as Jesus loved so that I can see the privilege of serving. In these beautiful moments, I have not acted with that tainted heart of demands on others. Instead, God has filled my heart with great peace and submission to his plan with the inexpressible joy and the most gratifying feeling of accomplishment when I have acted with this proper attitude. For that moment, my focus has been on God and not on my action and this has been what made my service even more worthwhile.

So when I am helping my parents out with their care for one another, I know that I have my heart on straight when I feel honored to be their daughter and when I can serve them with God’s gift of love to me. Though at times my attitude can so easily get focused back on myself and what I think I deserve, God graciously exposes my heart and grants me that repentance. This change in my mind and heart helps me to have greater peace even with knowing the limitations that my parents and I have. With the understanding that none of us have much more time here together on this earth, I desperately want them to know God’s beautiful gift of love as well.

So yes, thank you so much for all your support and your many prayers for myself and for my family. Though death is inevitable for everyone, God has helped me to do my best in treasuring each of the moments of life that I have with all of you. I just pray that he may continue to move in each of our hearts so that we will continue to see his great love for us and respond to that love with our own actions of love. I pray for our motives to be pure so that we too can witness that beautiful peace as we humbly serve one another and extend this service to even those that do not yet know God’s beautiful love.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

To God be the glory. Amen.