GOD’S PERFECT PLAN, PART II

As I reflect on sharing this second part of my thoughts concerning God’s perfect plan, I recall yet another of my favorite scriptures:

Isaiah 55:8-9 (ESV)

8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

    neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.

9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

    so are my ways higher than your ways 

   and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Earlier I shared some of my conversion story, but again God never stops there.  It is never a one and done deal.  None of us can ever come up out of the waters of baptism without continuing to deal with temptations and without having to constantly need to repent of our sins.  The Bible does not teach that once you are saved, you are always saved.  Having a relationship with God is just that.  It is a continual process with everyday decisions that can either help you to grow more in love with God or that can make this relationship fizzle out.

Philippians 2:12 (ESV)

12 Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling,

With the struggles that I have with my prideful nature, I am all too familiar with those decisions that make relationships fizzle out.  I have been married twice.  When I married my 2nd husband, many of my good friends would say that I dismissed them since I became all wrapped up with trying to fix my marriage issues by myself instead of petitioning God and my friends to help me.  I even limited my interactions with my own family.  And now currently, my 2nd husband is in the process of filing for a divorce.  

There is no denying that I am socially awkward, and honestly, it is hard for me to express my care for others without being controlling and judgmental.  I now see the errors in my ways: I wanted so much to be perfect and for others to be perfect and that these unrealistic expectations have greatly contributed to the destruction of many relationships.  

Even though God gave me the gift of the Holy Spirit at my baptism, without continuing to die to my pride, I grew very little in my relationships for most of my Christian life.  I became spiritually stunted and unloving. (What can I say, loving conditionally is not love at all.)  With focus on just my own issues (particularly how I was not living up to what I thought God’s expectations of me were), I was miserable and overwhelmed and eventually became severely depressed and suffered a mental breakdown in 2019.  My relationship with God had fizzled out and he began to expose that I was quenching the Holy Spirit’s fire within me since I was relying on myself to “do” what he commanded.  By myself, I could not rejoice always (give me a break, I was severely depressed), my prayers were almost non-existent (since I was so angry with God) and I sure as heck could not be grateful for losing my mind, my “things”, my job, and my marriage.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-19 (ESV)

16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 19 Do not quench the Spirit.

In May 2020, God began revealing to me that for more than 13 years, I had completely turned away from him.  I was failing at life because I was trying to do everything all on my own power.  I had cut God and his people out of my life.  I finally understood that my mental breakdown was all part of God’s way of humbling me so that I would once again come to rely on him.  In September 2020, I repented from my self-reliance and was restored to God and to Jesus’ body—the church.

During my restoration studies, God exposed my heart concerning the attitudes that I had towards the church—Jesus’ body.  He changed my heart to see how important it is to have close supportive and Bible-based relationships, and God showed me that it needed to start with me.  I finally begun to understand what God meant in 1 Corinthians 12 in that I need God’s people just as much as they need me.  According to this scripture, though I seem to be weaker, I am indispensable.  Wow!  What a revelation!

1 Corinthians 12:12-14, 21-24 (NIV)

12 Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. 13 For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. 14 Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many. (Emphasis added.)

21 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” 22 On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, 24 while our presentable parts need no special treatment. (Emphasis added.)

And thanks be to God that in the past three years, I have come to understand that my life and my relationship with God are not all about me, and that it is God who is working in me, and he has the power to make me change.  God never holds back in helping me to get closer to him.

Philippians 2:13 (IBC)

13 Yes, God is working in you to help you want to do what pleases him. Then he gives you the power to do it.

I now know that God’s intension for me has never been to try to live that sinless “good” life with just trying to improve my life with repenting of my sins.  I no longer try to be a “good” and “perfect” person since God is the only one who is good and perfect.  I also do my best to no longer try to help others to live that way either, since I tend to have self-righteous and judgmental attitudes when others are not living up to my expectations.

Of course, God wants us all to repent of our sin, because sin gets in the way of our relationships with him and with each other. God’s desire for everyone is to have a close and intimate relationship with him and with one another but he wants us to totally rely on and trust in him and do things his way and not our own way.  I am not saved by following all the do’s and don’ts that God had mapped out in the Old Testament.  Perfect Jesus did that for me so that I could be saved by God’s grace instead.

Romans 10:4 (NIVR)

4 Christ has fulfilled everything the law was meant to do. So now everyone who believes can be right with God.

Ephesians 2:8-9 (NIV)

8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast.

God continually works in our hearts and lives so that we can completely experience his great unconditional love for us all.  He helps us to turn away from the evil that is destroying us, returning to him while being totally surrendered to do things his way. All I can do is beg God so that I can do my best to love him and others as he loves me. Jesus commanded us to love as he loves us so that the rest of the world could be drawn to want to know Jesus. 

John 13:34-35 (NIV) 34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

I am still rather new at this relationship and love “the way Jesus loves” thingy.  This is God’s PERFECT plan for me.  God wants me to share my heart, share his Word (Bible) and pray with others so that we all may grow more spiritually, being much more connected with him and with each other.

As is human nature, I think a lot about myself. Of course, having terminal cancer and writing this post can feed that frenzy because I am, well, writing about myself.  I am easily tempted to boast about those amazing things God has done in my life as if God only works in me.  (Yah, right!).  In my pride, I tend to think that what I say or write is that important and I begin to have the “oh look at me” syndrome instead of giving God all the credit.

All my life, I have struggled with every form of communication.  By far, the most difficult of these is writing.  It is good that I am not at all an accomplished writer because it forces me to pray to God more about it so that I can share more about him rather than myself.  “What do you want me to say about this, Lord?  How can I say this in your way—powerful, concise, and impactful.” (Okay looking at past posts, sorry I have not been very concise.  He is still working on that part of me.) “Show me Father; move in me Holy Spirit. Open my heart to share and be vulnerable so that others can see Jesus and not me.”

So with being dependent upon a pill to be taken every day to keep my cancer from growing and with a divorce around the corner, it is easy to question God’s plan and purpose for me.  It is easy to feel like I am not loved and focus on what I can no longer “do” and the failure of my marriage. However, I must get back always to that question that Beth had asked me so long ago. What is it that motivates you to “do” anything? 

Again, I must look to the cross understanding how much God loves me, trusting in his way and not my own.  God still has his PERFECT plan for me.  He has never changed it. I can still impact people for God.  I can still share Jesus with others.  It is just in a different way than I have ever imagined doing. God has let me know that he is the one behind everything. He has sent out his word and it will never return to him without fulfilling the purpose for which he sent it as it says in the next two verses in Isaiah 55, concerning God’s perfect plan.

Isaiah 55:10-11 (ESV)

10 “For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven    and do not return there but water the earth,making it bring forth and sprout,    giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,11 so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;    it shall not return to me empty,but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,    and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.

To God be the glory that Lord Jesus, you can use me in this way! Thank you for this privilege.  Amen!

COMMENTS WHEN BLOG WAS FIRST POSTED ON CARING BRIDGE SITE:

Jeri Franz: WOW!! God is using you in an amazing way! LOVE YOU BUNCHES, KEEM!!

Cindy Fisher: You are an inspiration! Love you, Keem!