GOD’S GRACE IS ALWAYS SUFFICIENT

Psalm 139:1-6 (NIV)

1 You have searched me, Lord,

    and you know me.

2 You know when I sit and when I rise;

    you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3 You discern my going out and my lying down;

    you are familiar with all my ways.

4 Before a word is on my tongue

    you, Lord, know it completely.

5 You hem me in behind and before,

    and you lay your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

    too lofty for me to attain.

As you might remember, I had mentioned that in 2019, I had lost most things that I valued in life at that time.  In July of that year, I was pulled out of my job as a Registered Dietitian and Certified Diabetes Educator (RD/CDE) due to going through a mental breakdown.

Daniel 5:18-21 recaps the account of how and why God humbled King Nebuchadnezzar, the king of Babylon. He was “deposed from his royal throne and stripped of his glory. He was driven away from people and given the mind of an animal; he lived with the wild donkeys and ate grass like the ox; and his body was drenched with the dew of heaven, until he acknowledged that the Most High God is sovereign over all kingdoms on earth and sets over them anyone he wishes.”

When I came to Williamsburg in September of 2019, this was often what I felt like.  God had humbled me by stripping me of what all I had and what I had valued so much at that time.  Little did I know then that I would not return to North Carolina and that I would never return to work at Lincoln Community Health Center (LCHC).

In November of that year, I had been working at LCHC for 20 years.  This was the third time that I had started back at LCHC.  My first job at LCHC was a part-time contract worker as a RD in 1993.  After working for a while in that capacity, I needed to find a job that would provide me with insurance, so I quit.  I was hired at LCHC a week later as a part-time employee with full benefits.  Some years later, I was still working part-time and found that I could work as an office assistant full-time and make a bit more money.  About 6 months later, I came back to LCHC being offered more money and a 30-hour work week.  Eventually I was began working as an RD/CDE full time at 40 hours a week.  Because of all the times that I got rehired and kept returning to LCHC, I really believed that I was going to work there until I was old and gray.  I had trusted in my own knowledge, my intelligence, and in my own ways and for the longest time, I had Jesus just in my back pocket.

Psalm 146:3-4 (NIV)

3 Do not put your trust in princes,

    in human beings, who cannot save.

4 When their spirit departs, they return to the ground;

    on that very day their plans come to nothing.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart 

   and lean not on your own understanding;

6 in all your ways submit to him,

    and he will make your paths straight.

Looking back at it all now, I understand that Jesus was not my Lord during that time of my life.  I was.  God had graciously humbled me as he had humbled King Nebuchadnezzar so that I could acknowledge his sovereignty over my life and the lives of my loved ones.

Proverbs 16:9 (NIV)

9 In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. 

I think that it was in October 2019 that my husband and I separated.  LaMont had decided to stay in North Carolina, and I think it was December 2019 that I resigned from LCHC.  

I say I think because this is what mental breakdowns and depression can do.  There are many things that I have difficulty with recalling since it was as if I too had a mind like an animal.  In fact, a big reason why I no longer pursued a job as a RD/CDE was because I had lost a large part of my intellect.  I even had to purchase the International Children’s Bible because I could not understand what I was reading as I studied my Bible.  (It has pictures, which can be rather distracting and frustrating to deal with since it puckers the paper.)  In fact, I noticed that when I get overwhelmed emotionally, I need to read those simpler English versions to understand what God is saying to me.  Thank you, God, for different Bible Apps!

I still mourn over and get frustrated about the loss of this part of my intellect, but then I just pray that I may continue to surrender to God’s plan since it is so much better than mine will ever be.

Perhaps maybe even it is like Paul crying out to God about removing the thorn in his flesh.  Not that I have had any great revelations as he had, but I think that in some ways, I can relate.

2 Corinthians 12:7b-9a (NIV)

Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  (Emphasis added.)

Of course, none of us will ever be able to understand what God’s plan is for us and for those of us who choose to trust in his promises, we must continue to believe that God is faithful.  He never changes and he always loves, and he will never leave us.  He uses all situations that he allows to happen so that we will go to him and choose to rely more and more on him.

Thanks be to God for his never-ending love and his great mercy.  Amen.

COMMENTS WHEN BLOG WAS FIRST POSTED ON CARING BRIDGE SITE:

Shelly Booker: Amen