GOD PROVIDES ME WITH ERICA

You may recall that I had mentioned that I do not have any children and that my husband, LaMont, and I are not currently together. It is true that I do not have any biological children, but God had put me in Erica’s life when she was about 5 years old. I lived with Erica and her mom, Delia, for about 8 years until 2003 when I married LaMont. Delia was my best friend since I was introduced to Christ in 1988.

I got married about the time the church that I was part of began going through a major change. I really don’t understand all the details of what all had happened. I only know the effect that it had on my trust and faith in God and in his people. My deteriorating condition of my arthritic hips became an excuse for me to stop attending church and eventually to stop seeking God. Little did I know but gradually I started to do my own thing—worshipping myself, my marriage, my job, money, anything else but God. I just stopped: going to church, hanging out with sisters, and reading God’s word. These were some of those worse decisions in my life. Mind you, I thought that all this was okay and did not even doubt my salvation. Thinking once saved always saved, which is the exact opposite of what God says throughout his word, such as in Philippians 2:12 (NIV) “Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling”.

In 2018, I got my hips replaced and started to go back to church. One of the sisters had asked me if I felt that I needed to be restored. “Naw, I am okay.” I just felt that I needed to slip back into going to church and reading God’s Word. At that time, I did not see my need for evaluating why I had stopped going to church in the first place. I kept believing that it was just because of the issues with my hips. (As a matter of fact, while I was writing the first draft of this post, I had mistakenly stated that it was because of my issues with my hips when it really was an issue with my heart and in my trust in God with all that had gone on in my life and in the church.)

God is so gracious in that he never forgets about me. As I mentioned earlier, it was only because of my mental breakdown in 2019 and being completely humbled that God himself could restore me to him, which he did in 2020.

As a result of my mental breakdown in 2019, I have a lot of difficulty recalling chunks of time in my life. Erica though recalled the last time that I saw her. She recalls that I look straight at her and did not even acknowledge her or recognize her. I just walked away. Basically, I was in my own little world. LaMont had to direct me to Erica, saying, “Look there is Erica. Go say Hi to her.” I think that I must have gotten her phone number at that time. I really do not remember.

When Erica and I were growing up, she and I would often watch the musical “Upside Down” together. Note: I say that I was growing up because though I was 3 years older than Delia, I seriously acted so much like a child. I remember that one time I had argued with Erica about what TV show to watch. She was about 10 years old. I called Delia up and complained that her daughter was not listening. I remember Delia saying that it was like she had two kids instead of the one. Yah, well I was very emotionally immature when Delia took me in.

Any rate, Erica and I would watch this musical over and over. Certain scenes just brought tears to my eyes and joy in my heart. One of my most favorite scenes was when Peter is confidently going to go to the cross but then he doubts his faith when he sees that his wife, Abagail, also has the same fate of being crucified. Abagail sings him this song that just melts my heart every time, especially when she finally calls him Peter. His faith is restored right before our eyes as he sings his part, and he is ready to be crucified upside down. Even the scene, where the Roman commander is so convicted that he tells his soldier to baptize him in the name of the Father, Son and Spirit and gives the next command to the soldier to now take him to his cross, cuts my heart each time. Wow to see the impact of God’s word!

I tell you about this musical “Upside Down” because this was basically how I reach back out to Erica after all these years. (Keep in mind that basically I had not really been in touch with her for the past 19 years and our last encounter really shocked and discouraged her. Her mother had died 7 years earlier and I, the woman who had stayed with her and her mom for 8 years, had shunned her the last time that we met.)

God worked out our beautiful reunion through another one of his scheduling miracles.

When I was diagnosed with cancer on December 12th, I needed to get a PET scan scheduled for an earlier appointment. The original appointment was scheduled in Newport News Virginia for December 30th. I was able to miraculously get a PET scan and MRI of the brain at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore, Maryland on December 16th. I was even able to be seen sooner that day when I arrive about 2 hours earlier than my scheduled time. God was working out those little miracles for me once again.

As I am sitting in the room waiting for the radioactive sugar to go through my body in preparation for the PET scan. One of the songs from the “Upside Down” video came on YouTube. So I just sent it to Erica thinking that she probably has changed phone numbers. She texted back: “Thank you for sending this to me. Sometimes I pull up these videos to connect with God. And I want to thank you for showing me how you connected with God through upside down and introducing me to this. This musical is definitely embedded in my psyche lol.”

Then God graciously allowed Erica to come back into my life. We began talking and praying together, catching up on what has been going on in our lives. The most amazing thing though that had happened was how she came to be with me in Baltimore.

One day Erica asked me if she could get some advice from me, so we talked. I shared a little about what all was going on with me and that I needed to go up to Baltimore. When we prayed after our talk, God just blew me away. I was being real and honest with God before Erica about my concern about needing someone to be there with me as my caregiver at the HOPE Lodge in Baltimore. After I prayed, Erica asked me if I needed someone, and she offered to be my caregiver. She said she did not know how or what exactly it would happen, but she was more than willing to serve me in this way. Then what Erica shared next just gave me goose pimples. She shared her prayer journal entry that she had written 4 days PRIOR. She was praying about a break-up that just happened and then oddly, she ended her prayer in her journal, writing: “Right now I have a feeling that you want me to move in with Kim and help Kim. Is that what you want me to do? In Jesus name I pray Amen.” Wow! Right?! I did not even have the confirmation that I was going to stay at the HOPE Lodge yet and she wrote that in her journal. WHAT!!

So, Erica has been in Baltimore with me since January 3rd. She has done everything that you can possibly think of for me. She has fed me, introduced me to good drinking water from Whole Foods, educated me on different cultures and histories, exposed parts of my own history and character that needed to be examined, chauffeured me, advised me in my own health care. Just to name a few. She has been a constant companion who willing gets into deep conversations, which has helped me a lot as I have been wrestling with God about life and what this diagnosis really means to me regarding my relationship with God and with my loved ones.

On Saturday, January 21st, we went to Washington DC to the Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History. It was one that I visited a couple of times previously and wanted to see again. Erica had not ever been, and I don’t believe that she was interested in going there either, but she took me there because that is where I wanted to go. That is just how Erica has been for me while we have been up here in Baltimore. And we had a great time. I took a bunch of photos.

I was so intrigued by all the different exhibits about the gems, minerals, and stones. They were all so beautiful and I kept thinking about how God had created all of it. Flowers have beautiful colors to attract insects to help them multiply, but these things are in the ground and are just as beautiful and intriguing in their color and formations. Then God gives man the ability to make things out if it whether something small and beautiful like a gem or large and useful like a steel beam. It helped to put the building of the Tabernacle into proper perspective. (Exodus 35:31-32 (NIV) “and he has filled him with the Spirit of God with wisdom, with understanding, with knowledge and with all kinds of skills—to make artistic designs for work in gold, silver and bronze”). It provided a better understanding of how all creation declares God’s name as in Psalm 66:4 (NIV) “All the earth bows down to you; they sing praise to you, they sing the praises of your name” and in Psalm 145:10a (NIV) “All your works praise you, Lord”.

So, our time here in Baltimore is coming to an end. I graduated from my radiation treatments today, and I am being sent home with a targeted therapy medication to help with controlling my cancer—the next stage. I have a lot of mixed emotions about it all. I am excited that I have completed radiation treatment to shrink my large life-threatening tumor. I am also sad because Erica and I will be leaving Baltimore, and we have had such a great time together here. I will be returning to my parents’ house in Williamsburg Virginia, starting this new chapter of living with Lung cancer, treating it now with a pill. Prayerfully, Erica will be accepted to a special graduate program at Norfolk State, in Virginia. She currently lives in Charlotte, N.C., and she is asking God to show her where He is wanting her for this time in her life. I am selfishly praying for her to stay in Virginia to be part of the Hampton Roads church since I desperately want her to be close to me again.

All I know is that God is in control of all things and that he knows everything single thing about me Psalm 139:3 (ERV) “You know where I go and where I lie down. You know everything I do.” Our lives shall all work out in that we will be like the rest of creation in singing praises to God.

COMMENTS WHEN BLOG WAS FIRST POSTED ON CARING BRIDGE SITE:

Adrienne Small: That’s a beautiful testimony to the power of God and of friendship. I’m so glad you had Erica with you for this part of your journey.

Vicki Sandiford: Hi, Kim, Thank you for sharing this amazing account of the restoration of your relationship with Erica to God's glory!! I am reading it in tears, not sure why I am crying. The Upside Down musical has always been extremely meaningful to me as it helped me see the bible in action for the first time! It is a priceless treasure and I am so glad to share that common experience with you and Erica. Keeping you both in my prayers.

Marlene MENSER: Praise God, this is an amazing musical; wonder if it is ever re-created nowadays. God works so mysteriously and wonderfully. We love you Kim.

Jeri Franz: WOW! PRAISE GOD!! Know that God is with you ALWAYS - just keep squeezing His hand! Thank you for sharing what is in your heart! Thank Erica for being there with you!