SHOULDA (SHOULD OF OR SHOULD HAVE)

James 4 (NIV)

17 If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.

James 2:17 (NIV)

17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

On Wednesday, January 15th, while hanging with some friends, I was reminded of the times that I had to face my familiar regrets of “shoulda, woulda, coulda.” Despite making some progress in overcoming this mindset with God's help, I still struggle with it, especially during the times I am afraid and depressed.

Two Sundays ago, I faced challenges in deciding whether to attend church, and similarly, I experienced difficulties in meeting my friends this past Wednesday. During these instances, I eventually felt compelled by the Holy Spirit to “Just Do It”. These moments of decision-making reminded me of my theme scriptures and focus word. I have been wanting God's guidance and courage to test me, to understand my anxious thoughts, to reveal any offensive behaviors, and to lead me in his way everlasting. My desire has been to demonstrate boldness. What better way to test this boldness and my need to call on God for motivation than with some very cold winter days!

Perhaps, I have just gotten too comfortable since the last time that we had snow here in Williamsburg, VA was in February of 2023.

I typically wait until the afternoon when the weather reaches its warmest point before venturing out. Therefore, waking up to temperatures in the teens on Sunday, January 5th, made attending church that morning quite unappealing.

Usually, I look forward to riding with my good friend Karen, but this Sunday she was sick. While I hoped someone else could take me, another close friend, Christine, texted me that morning saying that she was also ill. I was thus faced with the prospect of driving myself to church. The thought of going out in the cold, potentially scraping ice off my car from the morning dew and driving alone was disheartening. After about an hour of speculation and cringing as I envisioned my struggle against the cold, I had to remind myself, “Kim, remember no regrets. You don’t want to have to deal with your 'shoulda' later. No 'shoulda, woulda, coulda' here!”

It is worth noting that, because I am currently in a relatively functional stage of my terminal lung cancer, I have developed a heightened sense of urgency and determination, which significantly assists in overcoming such challenges.

I encountered this similar dilemma when I was considering my plans to meet with some friends on Wednesday, January 15th. I had arranged to join one of them at the indoor pool at the local recreation center. Due to her schedule, we agreed to meet around 1 p.m. That morning, I checked the weather forecast and noted that the temperature would only reach a high of 34 degrees. I thought, "Oh man! Another cold day!" I decided to confirm her attendance before proceeding. After waiting approximately 20 minutes without receiving confirmation, I reminded myself of the importance of exercise. Despite the uncertainty of her presence, I resolved to adhere to my plans and proceed without hesitation, keeping in mind the principle of having no regrets.

As I look back at what I had done on those days, I realize that I not only had a lot of fun but that my struggle as I was making those decisions really impacted me.

On Sunday, Dwight, Christine’s husband, delivered a heartfelt communion message. He discussed Genesis 3, highlighting the perfect relationship between Adam, Eve, and God and how their disobedience to God led to all of mankind’s negative consequences like cursed ground, diseases, wars, rules, etc. Despite this, Dwight emphasized God's work in reconciling humanity through Jesus's sacrifice. Corey, our lead evangelist, then preached about God being the only True God, who humbles himself and calls upon the humble to be his witnesses and co-heirs. Additionally, a child I assisted with teaching in Kid’s Kingdom, the children’s classes at church, was baptized after accepting Jesus as her Lord. It was a wonderful Sunday.

On Wednesday, I enjoyed exercising, meeting new people and sharing Jesus' peace with them. I also spent time with a good friend, learning more about her and as we shared some of our previous experiences in life, I recalled some of my past struggles with my fears of failure.

When my friend talked about her life and her occasional difficulty with making decisions, it reminded me of times when I experienced my fears of failure. I recalled how I was so worried about making the wrong decision that I could not focus on making any decisions at all. I tried very hard not to make mistakes and constantly worried about potentially being wrong. My mind would be so consumed with endless loops of thoughts about what I should be doing, and I’d criticized myself for not doing it. I became entangled in the "shoulda, woulda, coulda" mindset. This led to indecision and confusion which caused me to question my thoughts and feelings, wondering if they were sinful. I would become frustrated with myself for not being able to think clearly. Eww. Yep, there went my sin. I was so full of pride and doubt that satan was having me for lunch!

In chapter 4, James addresses the issues of pride and selfishness. He urges us to practice humility before God and to submit to Him while resisting the devil. He provides two examples illustrating how pride manifests in our behavior: thinking we are superior to others and boasting about our future. And in verse 17, he emphasizes that failing to act on the good that God has called us to do is a flat-out sin.

Therefore, if I approach God with humility and submit to His will, He will guide me to not only recognize the good that I must do but also to accomplish it. As Dwight shared, God is continually working to reconcile us to Him through the sacrifice of Jesus. Therefore, when I seek God, he assists me in thinking and evaluating my actions, thoughts, and feelings with greater clarity.

In chapter 2, James emphasizes the importance of a faith that is demonstrated through actions, rather than just intellectual belief. Jesus also addressed this issue by criticizing the teachers of the law who knew the scriptures but did not practice them, referring to them as hypocrites (Matthew 23:13-36). So, my fear of failure should not prevent me from taking responsibility and acting according to my beliefs. Any true belief must be accompanied by action. Because I have decided to follow Jesus, each time, I just need to take that small step and then trust that God will guide me the rest of the way.

These scriptures emphasize that there is no place for regrets about what “shoulda, woulda, coulda” been; instead, I always need to seek guidance from God to fulfill his will. I am grateful to the Holy Spirit for leading me to confront my emotions rather than avoiding them.

Thank you, God, for always giving me so many opportunities to improve. Instead of regretting past actions with my “shoulda” mindset when I didn’t do “xyz”, I GET TO DO xyz the next time that YOU bless me with option to do it.

To God be the glory! Amen.